Only in Dreams Chapter 2

“There’s something that I don’t understand about you humans.” Emily said.

“Something that stumped even the shrewd dream seer? This I have to hear.” Orphen had a shit eating grin plastered on his face, stoking the embers of Emily’s frustration.

“Why do you feel that it’s necessary to put yourselves at risk for happiness that is not even certain? Why would you intentionally wound yourselves for something that has such little chance of success? Contentment seems like the better alternative, no matter how I look at it.”

Her words were like venom to him, burning his skin, but he didn’t know why. “I wouldn’t say that we intentionally wound ourselves. I mean, if you broke my heart, it wouldn’t necessarily be my fault now, would it?” He said while fidgeting with his fingers.

“Does it matter who lets loose the blade of the guillotine if you intentionally stick your head under it?” Emily said, her divine composure once again apparent.

“I can see your point, sort of... I guess we’re just desperate to be heard, to be understood. So desperate for sincerity that we slice our chests open just to show the other person that our heart is beating faster at the sight of them.” Orphen said in trance. It always seemed like a natural thing to do. But at the moment, Orphen realized how ridiculous human relationships are.

“And you’d do this even while knowing that the other person can just let your heart fall into the dirt?” A genuine look of curiosity dawned on her face. Some might argue that a little bit of awe slipped from her crimson lips.

“Yep.” He said without a hint of hesitation.

“Masochists, the lot of you.” Her tone was harsh but her lips betrayed her.

"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes"

 -Winston Churchill

Only in Dreams Chapter 1

“I feel like I’m chasing my mind.” Orphen said to the woman next to him. Her name is Emily, or so she said. Everything about Emily was uncertain. The only thing that was certain was that Orphen was under her spell; almost like she was made for him, literally made for him. Her eyes were like the ocean: blue, deep, and easy to get lost in.

“Don’t you mean, losing your mind?” Emily asked. Her voice was relatively low pitched and had a boyish quality to it.

“No, I mean I’m chasing it. It goes without saying that I’m losing it as well but it’s important to note that I AM chasing it. It means that I’m not letting it go but it keeps trying to slip away. I’m not like the others; I’m quite partial to reality, to what we have here.”

Her lips slowly parted, revealing slightly imperfect teeth. Some of them were ever so slightly crooked. Her nose crinkled and the two oceans dimmed. Her smile grew wider, eventually evolving into a cute and out of character, high-pitched laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Orphen asked. He wanted to sound irritated but the girl in front of him was so perfectly imperfect that it was impossible for him to do so.

“How do you know that this is reality? For all you know, you’re eating shit in the middle of the road, mumbling to yourself. It’s not like that situation is far-fetched either. You sleep 12 hours a day. And if we count daydreams and hallucinations then you spend more time in the ephemeral world than you do in the real one. How do you know which is which?”

“Well, reality is constant. It has rules that it follows.” Orphen said unconvincingly.

“Those rules and that feeling of persistence might be part of the dream. You never realize the ridiculousness of dreams until after the illusion has faded. How can you be partial to reality when it is virtually impossible to confirm it?”

“Alright, I give. But I still prefer this, whatever this is.”

“So you don’t prefer reality. You’re just afraid of change.”

“Not change... loss.”

Unclaimed Shadow End?

She stood up, finally breaking their connection. She turned to him and said, “I can’t save you.” The pain and darkness that she kept stored deep in the recesses of the mystery that she called her mind, have seeped into her lips and her eyes. They infected her looks and yet somehow enhanced it. Her eyes were a cruel combination of beauty and pain. “I’m just as lost as you,” she said.


It was time. He cut loose the words that he painstakingly collected through endless nights of rumination. “You know the feeling when just as you arrive at school, it dawns on you that you've forgotten to do your homework? It’s a terrible feeling, like a horde of bats scratching away at the lining of your stomach. Then you realize there are others like you and suddenly everything is alright. You know you’re still in trouble but somehow you don’t really care that much. What I’m trying to say is that… we can be lost together.”

Eyes as Captivating as a Thousand Setting Suns

I know your mind like the back of my head,

Surely this attraction is corporeal,

But your eyes they call to me with words unsaid,

Revealing my past self’s memorial,

I promised never to obsess like this,

Another broken vow discarded,

But you know what, I would still be in bliss,

If to me, your gaze is awarded,

So much for the philosophy of love,

Are we but lost souls at the end of the day?

A slave to a choice made up above,

A prisoner to what your eyes portray.

Night Ramblings 2

My main philosophy in life can be summed up in one word, contrast. There’s no happiness without despair, no life without death, no pleasure without pain, you get the idea. I embrace both the good and the bad because you can’t have one without the other. In fact, the law of conservation of energy can be applied to each of these opposing concepts. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the said law of physics, it basically states that energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed into another form.


The same thing is true with love. You cannot actually lose love; it merely shifts into other forms, namely: pain, suffering, despair, indifference etc. The greater the love, the greater the pain it becomes. This is why I love what John Green wrote in his book, The Fault in Our Stars. “Pain demands to be felt.” Ignoring that pain is the same as ignoring the love that it used to be. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away does not make it disappear, it only makes it fester. What helps is to feel it, to accept it, maybe even enjoy it a bit, after all, the pain and suffering is merely a testament of how great that love used to be. And only then can it shift into something else. Hope maybe… or friendship, or fuel for another relationship.


I guess this paints me as somewhat masochistic. But I’d like to think that I just love all the aspects of life and all the forms that love can take. Man, I’m using the word love a lot. Freudian slip much? Well, what am I trying to say with this exactly? Nothing really, I was just transforming some of the love that I feel into words on this page. I've just been overflowing lately so I thought I’d put it to good use. God, that was so bad I could taste the corn and cheese. I’ll stop here before all my dignity transforms into shame and self-loathing. Good night.

Drawing by Emeraldus