Night Ramblings 2

My main philosophy in life can be summed up in one word, contrast. There’s no happiness without despair, no life without death, no pleasure without pain, you get the idea. I embrace both the good and the bad because you can’t have one without the other. In fact, the law of conservation of energy can be applied to each of these opposing concepts. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the said law of physics, it basically states that energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed into another form.


The same thing is true with love. You cannot actually lose love; it merely shifts into other forms, namely: pain, suffering, despair, indifference etc. The greater the love, the greater the pain it becomes. This is why I love what John Green wrote in his book, The Fault in Our Stars. “Pain demands to be felt.” Ignoring that pain is the same as ignoring the love that it used to be. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away does not make it disappear, it only makes it fester. What helps is to feel it, to accept it, maybe even enjoy it a bit, after all, the pain and suffering is merely a testament of how great that love used to be. And only then can it shift into something else. Hope maybe… or friendship, or fuel for another relationship.


I guess this paints me as somewhat masochistic. But I’d like to think that I just love all the aspects of life and all the forms that love can take. Man, I’m using the word love a lot. Freudian slip much? Well, what am I trying to say with this exactly? Nothing really, I was just transforming some of the love that I feel into words on this page. I've just been overflowing lately so I thought I’d put it to good use. God, that was so bad I could taste the corn and cheese. I’ll stop here before all my dignity transforms into shame and self-loathing. Good night.

Drawing by Emeraldus

Poem for My Mom

Remember the time you forced me to read,

Those novels about tragedy and love,

I didn’t know that you planted the seeds,

Of abilities that I’m now proud of,

There was a time that I felt like a bird,

Imprisoned in a cage, my wings fettered,

Now I see why you had to control me,

Youth blinded me from my stupidity,

You showed us strength, hiding your weakness,

How lucky we are to have a mom as such,

To have a mom whose greatest flaw is,

Loving her kids too damn much.

Mother and Child by Vicente Manansala

The Unclaimed Shadow Chapter 7

Only half her face was illuminated by the moonlight. Her violently colored lips were stuck in a static horizontal shape. Unless she smiled, her face retained a slightly annoyed, slightly bored look. It was because of this that he was constantly on the verge of breaking down whenever he was with her. He desperately wanted to erase that look on her face but he was never good with expressing himself. His past failures kept haunting him at night. All the “what ifs” and dead opportunities weighed heavy on his chest. But tonight, he was prepared. He didn't spend those sleepless nights twiddling his fingers. All that time, he had been refining his thoughts, all so he could form a connection with her.

She took out a thermos of hot coffee from her bag. “Do you know that you have the habit of just zoning out? It’s kinda rude. Am I not enough to keep your attention?” She said as her face was painted with the color of disappointment. She poured some coffee into a cup and handed it to him.

“…Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About what?” She said as she leaned on him.

“Connections.” He replied absentmindedly.

“What kind?”

“The human kind. The strongest kind.”

“You’re kidding right? There’s nothing more fragile than human bonds.” She said, sounding annoyed or so he thought.

“I disagree. There’s nothing more worthwhile in the world than sharing a connection with someone.” He could feel her sweat permeating from her clothes. Still, she didn't move.

“I never said it wasn't worthwhile. Just because something is finite doesn't mean it doesn't have any value. In fact, I think unsolved love, the kind of love that ends prematurely, is the sweetest kind.”

“It’s also the most bitter.” He said before taking a sip of coffee. It was black and quite strong. And yet he couldn't get enough of it.

The Unclaimed Shadow Chapter 6

Bathing under the yellow glow of a lamppost, was a girl whose existence seemed to merge deeply with the scenery. It was as if there was no other way for that park to exist unless she stood under that very lamppost. He walked closer and with every step, her features started to get clearer. And with every step, his mind became hazier. Her eyes were the color of coffee with a bit of cream. He was tempted to say that they were average but somehow statistics and the laws of physics don’t really apply to her.

Her hair was a gravitational singularity. The light swirled around the waves of her hair before being consumed by its deep darkness. He was being pulled in as well. She smiled and gravity intensified.

“You’re late,” she said.

“Sorry, it’s hard to get a ride at this time of night.”

She feigned a look of disappointment. “Always indecisive, aren't you?”

Time sped up. “What do you mean?” He asked.

“Either apologize or give me an excuse. You can’t choose both,” she said. Her tone was playful but there was a degree of severity in her voice, imagined or otherwise.

“Sorry, it’s just how I am,” he said while showing his teeth.

She put her hand on the right side of his face and her thumb pulled the side of his mouth upwards. “You always look so sad... Let's go sit over there,” she said, pointing at a patch of grass a few feet away from them. She walked over there. He slowly orbited her.

God doesn't play dice with the world - Albert Einstein

The Unclaimed Shadow Chapter 5

The moon reflected the light of the sun in the same way a blade’s edge reflects light into the eyes of a victim. The faint moonlight lightly tapped his shoulders. The cold wind embraced him while he embraced his hopes for the night. This time he was ready. The words he carefully picked were tied up just below his throat, ready to burst out of his mouth at a moment’s notice.


He remembered something that Lucian of Samosata wrote about the Greek God, Momus. Momus criticized the work of Hephaestus, complaining about how humans were not given windows to their hearts. With their hearts closed to the outside world, their truest thoughts remain secret even to those closest to them.


But right now, his words must suffice. They have to. Even though they’re nowhere near as effective as a window to his heart. Words are more like a blind man’s imagination, free and wild, but rarely accurate.

"Change. Change. Change. Change … change. Change. Chaaange. When you say words a lot they don't mean anything. Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway, and we just think they do." -Delirium who was once Delight
(Painting by: Helena M. Cintra)

All In

It is always risk versus reward,
Your fate would you gamble in the cards?
Or just heed the song of the bards?
And stay safe and still,



Is indifference the right way?
Or is it just a fool’s fake play?
My thoughts like drunkards, they just sway,
Running from the bill,


Cold statues stay safe, unfeeling,
Warm flesh in danger of reeling,
It feels like my skin is peeling,
Guess I like the thrill.

Will you take a leap of faith for love?

The Unclaimed Shadow Chapter 4

His heart was beating with the desperation of a drowning fish. A gush of emotions brought on by a bunch of colored electronic dots on a screen; how pitiful, he thought. And then expectation gave way to ecstasy. It was a message from her. She said, “Hey, I saw you at the party last night. You were pretty wasted… lol. So anyways, since we didn’t get to talk last night, I was wondering if we could meet up for some coffee today.”

Suddenly blood was no longer flowing in his veins. Someone replaced it with caffeine, methamphetamine, and jet fuel. His hands shook, not like leaves, but like the earth when it nonchalantly adjusts its plates. Ecstasy gave the stage to the malformed Siamese twins, fear and anxiety. How could he possibly pick the right words for his reply? It was like trying to find the four perfect drops of water amidst the cruel vastness of the ocean. Slowly, he typed, “S… u…r…e.”

He felt the tsunami coming, a massive wave of salt and water coming to engulf him and everyone in a five mile radius. Oh how he yearned to drown in her. But then, just as the wave was about to hit, a breakwater the size of God’s thumb suddenly manifested. The water crashed into it and within seconds, dissipated like sweat on his forehead. He pressed send. Anxiety introduced him to regret. And regret hit him immediately.

Sometimes the walls you build to defend yourself, end up trapping you.
(Sculpture by HairyAsHell)