Night Ramblings

The lack of light always scares us, which is weird because everything stays exactly the same. The only difference is the fact that we can’t see. This isn't always bad. In fact, we tend to like being scared. We won’t admit it in the moment but once we look back, we call what was once a nightmare, an adventure. Maybe this is why I like staying up at night. I like being scared. Being scared of not knowing what comes next; being scared of the dark places that the human mind can wander into; and being scared of being the only burning mind in a world of apathetic blindness.

My father once told me that everyone thinks about everything that they have done wrong when the time comes to lie down and let the night take us. Not everyone will admit that though. Self-righteousness is a plague that’s worse than the very essence of evil itself. We can sympathize with evil. We have evil within us. But an evil man acting all righteous, now that is stomach turning. Like our very soul is rejecting this unnatural abomination in front of us.

Why do we start thinking about our depravities come night time? Is it because it is the only time that we can actually listen to our minds? Is that why we spend every waking hour of our lives looking for distractions? Or is it the fact that sleep is temporary death? And in the face of death, we realize who we really are. She strips us of our status, our wealth, our power, until all that’s left of us are the choices that we have made. And let’s be honest, aside from a few exceptions, they’re mostly bad choices.

Where is this really headed? I don’t really know. I’m just as lost as you. But hey, dawn is coming, that much is for sure. The distractions come back up online and we make more bad choices. My only solace is that maybe I will be a slightly better man come morning; just a little better. Hey, a guy can dream right? 

"The sadness will last forever." -Vincent Van Gogh